Few things can shock you awake in life
like death can.
I was coasting along as usual.
Waiting. Waiting. Wai-ting.
Time for me is a distance between two poles
of circadian stasis and amnesiac waking life.
Perpetual state of grogginess. Searching.
Wondering what is to come.
Like a giant shoe is dropping from somewhere
above me. Squishing me flat.
I knew it was going to be like this
and it hit me hard anyway.
Concussive force like an elbow
to the back of your dome.
Saddling my heart with hurt.
Hurt for my friend who is gone.
Hurt for his wife whom I would do anything for.
Hurt for his family and friends near and far.
Hurt for myself as well.
I'd long ago tasted grief's bitter wine.
Swallowed enough for this lifetime and the next.
Felt it swill around my belly and get comfortable.
Maybe it has been so long and I have been so empty
that I was crushed by my own sense of being.
For the first time in a long time
fragility became real again.
Refusing to be ignored.
And now it feels like it won't go away.
Without the grief you cannot heal.
And without the healing you can't move on.
A microcosm of the path that is my entire life.
|R.I.P. Alex Myree Jr.|