Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Five new poems

Here I am crying a single tear for you again.
As if you ever really cared.
Every now and then I slip once more
back to the moment before I tried to forget.
A dream that still goes unfulfilled.
Holding on to you that night
was a feeling I wanted to save forever.
Now what I cling to instead is the loss
of something I never had in the first place.
Or did I?

"Just one more wishbone."

Be like water.
A storm rages outside, but it's nothing
compared to the one in my heart.
Rain beats a furious pattern on my windowpane,
but is silenced next to the bass drum in my head.
Tempestuous emotions overtake me
and I cannot still these raging pools.
Memories flooding in again and again.
Disarming my senses and drowning all hope.

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Middle Child.
Where did you go to?
Why did you leave?
How cruel is fate?
Why do I still mourn?
These and many other riddles
gnaw at my soul.
I wish the two hands of logic and reason
could shake this dullness out of me.
So I could know peace as you have
for eight years gone by now.
I now steer the ghost ship alone.
Family crest strung up high on the mast.
No crew, no cargo, no navigator.
My heart bears no treasure.
The wind in my face and
waves of sorrow are all I know.

Grandeur and Frailty
Boiled down to the essence.
We are creatures of simplicity.
Poles apart in distinction
and mindset and thought.
Opposites attracted like
elementals of a discordant nature.
Stubborn is the will when the mind surrenders.
What should not be never comes to pass.
Even as the heart defiantely wants what it wants.
Or wanted.
I cannot change though I may pretend I want to.
I know this.
You cannot change because you are selfish and lazy.
You know this.
The timing was suspect.
The pattern was obvious.
We both knew the truth about each other
long before that kiss we should not have shared.
On nights like this when I'm weak and obsessing
I run through all the scenarios, assigning blame freely.
Retrace my all of my breaths with you.
Briefly surrender my ego.
And I wonder if you do this too?
Never looking in your eyes again
is the price I pay for my insolence.
Sheltered from the facts I cannot face.
My loneliness is a persistent reminder
of the intense pain I cause myself daily.
Because a part of me won't let you go.

"This is my last serenade."

My paranoia would get the best of me
if I wasn't right about you.
My friends may think I'm odd
always looking over both shoulders.
Using hushed tones to speak of those days.
They way people converse at a funeral.
Holding my breath as I say your name.
Muffling my cries when I fantasize.
Because maybe you can hear me through space.
Looking away from familiar things
because the comfort they might bring
just reminds me of us.
Afraid of my shadow and yours.
Then materializing out of the unhealed
dreams of my still devastated heart.
There you are.
In my place and in my face again.
Didn't you run away to leave
this mess behind?
I look hard for an instant making sure it's you.
And of course it is.
Have you no consideration?
I really don't need the panic attacks
and other self-induced hysteria.
The quickened breaths I take
marking off your every step
as you walk right by me.
How you didn't notice me
hiding in plain sight I have no clue.
Perception was never your strong suit,
but misdirection is a card I play very well.
I judge a safe distance between us.
Paralysis is waning and now I can move.
Each gesture I make mirrors your own.
Just fifteen feet between two bodies
once separated by the least space possible.
I clock your aura as I cloak my own.
Concentrating on this mind trick
like nothing ever matter before this.
As if the mist of time will cease to be.
Praying you don't turn and see me.
Even though you live with the shame.
I am the one who bears this impossible weight.   

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