Conversations with Keefy

How do you ever heal in this life if you never let the wounds stay closed? How does your resolve fade away if you never had a spine in the first place? When lies and heartache are your currency it doesn't matter what your intent is or was. I have whittled away every visage of your countenance only to be tortured by inescapable thoughts of madness. You were a weapon of choice I could not stand against. All my powers of deduction rendered ineffectual. An army of spirit warriors by my side could not save me. Shattered confidence on the shores of self-discovery. Alone in a sea of desperate narcissists and mental invalids I just want to breathe the soft air of kindness again. Feel the lasting embrace of someone dear. Someone to rebuild the wreckage with and reclaim the chi. I want to smile on the outside and be more than a mannequin. Shallow footsteps echo the coldness of a reality I snap back to. My face is ever the convenient liar, apologizing for the many fallacies...

I barely ever sleep, but often I dream of my funeral. The day I am laid to rest. Goodbyes said in silence. Empty prayers to an empty sky. Curses under swallowed breaths. A bronze urn to hold the remnants of my person. Who will weep for me and who will piss on me? True loves, true friends and the truly fake. All gathered together sharing a begrudged moment. Regrets, lies, blinding truths and the inescapable finality. Knowing that time is up and things don't get resolved nicely. The dark danse macabre of the moment beguiles the sufferer. The pretentious and the false will offer the aggrieved to “be there for them if they are needed”. Even though few were there for me when I needed them in life. Meanwhile a few selfless pilgrims will do what must be done. Some will sob, others will make inappropriate jokes. Others still will reminisce over me in uneasy low tones. Few will come to understand the measure of this man. Frenemies I never showed a glimpse of solace to ...