Conversations with Keefy

I barely ever sleep, but often I dream of my funeral. The day I am laid to rest. Goodbyes said in silence. Empty prayers to an empty sky. Curses under swallowed breaths. A bronze urn to hold the remnants of my person. Who will weep for me and who will piss on me? True loves, true friends and the truly fake. All gathered together sharing a begrudged moment. Regrets, lies, blinding truths and the inescapable finality. Knowing that time is up and things don't get resolved nicely. The dark danse macabre of the moment beguiles the sufferer. The pretentious and the false will offer the aggrieved to “be there for them if they are needed”. Even though few were there for me when I needed them in life. Meanwhile a few selfless pilgrims will do what must be done. Some will sob, others will make inappropriate jokes. Others still will reminisce over me in uneasy low tones. Few will come to understand the measure of this man. Frenemies I never showed a glimpse of solace to ...

"if  I can't have everything  then  just  give me a  taste" Tall as the trees and twice as graceful. You danced like a feather trying not to catch fire. Entranced by you. Eyes, lips, arms and hips write a silent plea in the air. Telling tales of a secret pact. Everyone captivated by a dazzling display of symmetry. A narcotic has less traction on the soul. A narcissist to the very last drop. Only one saw the soft underbelly. Past the desperate longing and through to the pain. When we met I was a child. You were the learner. Another was the master. The mentor to your mission gave encouragement and accolades. But not the love you needed. Spurned, yet sanctified. Your pursuit doubled in effort. Already a slave to unrequited passions. They threatened to engulf you. Caught up in the moment a declaration is made. A vow hangs in the air unanswered and now you can’t take it back. A promise made is a promise dead when a promise wasn’t required in the first place....

Redux Here I am crying a single tear for you again. As if you ever really cared. Every now and then I slip once more back to the moment before I tried to forget. A dream that still goes unfulfilled. Holding on to you that night was a feeling I wanted to save forever. Now what I cling to instead is the loss of something I never had in the first place. Or did I? "Just one more wishbone." Be like water. A storm rages outside, but it's nothing compared to the one in my heart. Rain beats a furious pattern on my windowpane, but is silenced next to the bass drum in my head. Tempestuous emotions overtake me and I cannot still these raging pools. Memories flooding in again and again. Disarming my senses and drowning all hope. Add caption Middle Child. Where did you go to? Why did you leave? How cruel is fate? Why do I still mourn? These and many other riddles gnaw at my soul. I wish the two hands of logic and reason could shake this dullness out of me. So I could kn...