Saturday, January 22, 2011


I know that you watch me.
Don't you think I can tell.
I know you creep on me.
I've felt your presence near.
I know you still think of me.
I think of you too sometimes.
I know you see me in lucid dreams.
In ways that you obviously can't help yourself.
But you don't think I see you watching me.
Watching from inside my eyes.
Conjured up in my dreams and night terrors.
Like a deja vu that I do not want.

The truly despicable part of it is
that I wanted you to see me- always.
I felt the empty, opaque scream of you without me.
A fracture that caused me tremendous pain.
Caused me to breakdown. To tremble before you.
Not anymore. Now I lick wounds once deep.
Now healing and hoping although cynical to the last.
You lash out from afar still clinging to your rage.
It's quite nasty and unbecoming.
But I expected no less all along.
This is the pattern. So boring and predictable.
I'm not sure what I did to deserve the ire of your i.
There was a time I thought about making it right.
But mending a fence I didn't breach didn't seem fair.
Consumed with self-doubt for a sliver of a second.
Reason prevailed and those moments vanished.
What is your motive? I cannot fathom a guess today.
The not knowing indeed vexes me. Hexes me.
Fate and bitterness took us down this road.
I quit caring a long time ago. Burned that bridge. Shut that door.
Grudges may weigh a metric ton in your soul.
But light as air in my mind.
You think you have some kind of upper hand now.
Sadly you've become the enigma you most feared.
The riddle no one attempts to solve.
The question not worth asking.
The security you cannot have and I would not provide
eludes you while insanity lives in your heart.

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